The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
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rockie99 |
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A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.
"I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking her eyes and ears. "Don't feel
ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.
The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo." Never give up - There's always tomorrow! |
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jonnybarb |
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Paddy decides to go ice fishing down the local, so he turns up cuts a hole in the ice and starts fishing.
After about half an hour he hears a voice call out "You there, on the ice, there's no fish in there". Paddy turns round, sees no one and just carries on fishing. Another ten minutes passes and again a voice calls out "You there, on the ice, there's no fish in there". Paddy looks round, sees no one and is amazed and asks, "Bejesus is that you lord telling me to go fish somewhere else" No you thick Tw*t, It's the ice ring manager, now Bu**er off !!!!! |
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Andy Thatcher |
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Knock, knock.......
What happens if you post something that a kid shouldn't read. First off the post will be deleted, second off your profile will be. Can't remember if it was me or Bob that deleted the joke thread last but it is coming very close to disapearing again.
Cheers
Andy |
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New Temer |
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minnowbasher |
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my wife was in court today for shop lifting, after a long day the judge decided he was going to make an example of my wife," madam" he said,
" you have been found guilty of stealing a tin of peaches and im going to sentence you to one month in jail for every peach in the tin." with this i thought id better say something so i put my hand up, " what is it" said the judge, " have you something to say in your wifes defence", "yes your honour she stole a tin of peas as well.
A BAD DAYS FISHING IS BETTER THAN A GOOD DAY AT WORK
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dik30 |
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MOOK |
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A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he spent the weekend (and his money) partying with the boys. When he finally
returned home on Sunday night, His wife really got on his case and stayed on it.
After a couple of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?" The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, "That would suit me just fine!!" Monday went by and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her. Come Thursday, the swelling had gone down a bit and he could see her a little, out of the corner of his left eye. |
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Paul Swift |
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Economic Models explained with cows - 2008 update SOCIALISM
COMMUNISM
FASCISM
NAZISM
BUREAUCRATISM
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
SURREALISM
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
A FRENCH CORPORATION
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
A GERMAN CORPORATION
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
A SWISS CORPORATION
A CHINESE CORPORATION
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
A BRITISH CORPORATION
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
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harry chubb |
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Thatcherisam
you have 2 cows, one is elected leader and eats the other. |
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dik30 |
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A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep
> and a sheepdog were washed up with him. > > > Looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island. > After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal > companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. > > > One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful > cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. > > As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely > Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it. > > But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely > until the man took his arm from around the sheep. > > After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets > together but there was no more cuddling. > > A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another > shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful > woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her > and he slowly nursed her back to health. > > When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening > beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... > red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of > romance. > > Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought > the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and, realising he now > had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered > in her ear, > > 'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?' |
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