Joke Thread

RSS
Email

0 Kudo

Author	Comment
rockie99		#81	[-]
Posts: 104 (14/04/08 21:12) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking her eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo." Never give up - There's always tomorrow!
jonnybarb		#82	[-]
Posts: 539 (17/04/08 17:49) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Paddy decides to go ice fishing down the local, so he turns up cuts a hole in the ice and starts fishing. After about half an hour he hears a voice call out "You there, on the ice, there's no fish in there". Paddy turns round, sees no one and just carries on fishing. Another ten minutes passes and again a voice calls out "You there, on the ice, there's no fish in there". Paddy looks round, sees no one and is amazed and asks, "Bejesus is that you lord telling me to go fish somewhere else" No you thick Twt, It's the ice ring manager, now Bu*er off !!!!!
Andy Thatcher		#83	[-]
Posts: 6346 (18/04/08 14:18) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Knock, knock....... What happens if you post something that a kid shouldn't read. First off the post will be deleted, second off your profile will be. Can't remember if it was me or Bob that deleted the joke thread last but it is coming very close to disapearing again. Cheers Andy
New Temer		#84	[-]
Posts: 563 (25/04/08 20:48) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	True Love An elderly gent was invited to an old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names' The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!'
minnowbasher		#85	[-]
Posts: 2 (29/04/08 19:00) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	my wife was in court today for shop lifting, after a long day the judge decided he was going to make an example of my wife," madam" he said, " you have been found guilty of stealing a tin of peaches and im going to sentence you to one month in jail for every peach in the tin." with this i thought id better say something so i put my hand up, " what is it" said the judge, " have you something to say in your wifes defence", "yes your honour she stole a tin of peas as well. A BAD DAYS FISHING IS BETTER THAN A GOOD DAY AT WORK
dik30		#86	[-]
Posts: 127 (29/04/08 19:03) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts
MOOK		#87	[-]
Posts: 1723 (02/05/08 23:51) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he spent the weekend (and his money) partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, His wife really got on his case and stayed on it. After a couple of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?" The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, "That would suit me just fine!!" Monday went by and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her. Come Thursday, the swelling had gone down a bit and he could see her a little, out of the corner of his left eye.
Paul Swift		#88	[-]
Posts: 4742 (19/05/08 00:25) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Economic Models explained with cows - 2008 update SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by themajority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.... A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
harry chubb		#89	[-]
Posts: 249 (19/05/08 07:07) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Thatcherisam you have 2 cows, one is elected leader and eats the other.
dik30		#90	[-]
Posts: 193 (23/05/08 13:20) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep > and a sheepdog were washed up with him. > > > Looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island. > After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal > companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. > > > One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful > cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. > > As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely > Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it. > > But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely > until the man took his arm from around the sheep. > > After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets > together but there was no more cuddling. > > A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another > shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful > woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her > and he slowly nursed her back to health. > > When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening > beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... > red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of > romance. > > Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought > the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and, realising he now > had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered > in her ear, > > 'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

Yuku free message boards

Joke Thread

Quick Reply