Just about every other forum has one, why don't we?
As long as we keep it clean and in good taste!
As long as we keep it clean and in good taste!
Opener of worm cans and surveyor of the moral high ground.
Joke Thread
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 adamphtg |
Joke Thread |
Lead | |
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Posts: 436 (03/12/06 02:20) |
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adamphtg |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 436 (03/12/06 02:22) |
A bloke is in a queue at the Super Market when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?" She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children ! His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, <edit> he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night <edit> on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate<edit>
No she replies, I'm your sons' English Teacher Moderator Edit and Comment I grow weary at times  - will people ever learn what's acceptable on this site and what's not - people of all ages look in so please post with care.Good day |
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Paul Swift |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 5170 (03/12/06 11:52) |
And you think that's clean and in good taste Adam - RIP this thread!
Cheers, Paul
Liverpool F.C. - Winner of 5 European Cups! |
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paul4barbus |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 4110 (03/12/06 12:08) BFW Team Member |
'clean', 'good taste' 'moral'
all these appear in your opening post - are you sure? 
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Paul Swift |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 5170 (03/12/06 12:31) |
Here's a clean one -
Three rather doddery old dears sitting on a park bench. First old dear says "Windy today isn't it?" Second says "No it's not it's Thursday!" Third says "So am I lets go for a cup of tea!"  Cheers, Paul
Liverpool F.C. - Winner of 5 European Cups! |
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Damian Kimmins |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 1844 (03/12/06 22:00) |
Here's a clean one, well relatively, though I may have posted this before;
a pilot has just announced that the plane he is flying is going down, he asks all the passengers to remain calm and assume the crash position. A steward is walking the plane to make sure everyone is assuming the crash position when he comes across an young lady looking into a mirror doing her make up. The steward asks what she is doing. "Well, I've heard that when a plane goes down, the first thing the rescuers look for are attractive young ladies", she replies. Slightly disturbed the steward continues down the aisle when he comes across a man looking in a mirror combing his hair. "Excuse me sir, what are you doing"? "Well, I have heard that when a plane crashes, if there are any female rescuers, the first thing they'll look for is a good looking man", he says. Getting increasingly worried about what some of the planes passengers are believing he continues down the aisle when he comes across a rather large black lady, naked and bent over double. "Excuse me madam, can I ask you what you are doing"? In the deepest west indian accent the lady answers, "WELL, I'VE HEARD THE FIRST THING THEY LOOK FOR IS THE BIG BLACK BOX"! "Whilst developing creativity, also cultivate receptivity.
Retain the mind like that of a child, which flows like running water. When considering any thing, do not lose its opposite." Lao Tzu |
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lesliefisherman |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 2713 (03/12/06 22:07) |
hi,heres one.
did you hear about the elephant-ants-and a pot of glue. well,the ants can jump over the elephant. but the elephant cant jump over the ants. |
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Paul Swift |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 5170 (04/12/06 02:26) |
Am I missing something here Derek?
 Cheers, Paul
Liverpool F.C. - Winner of 5 European Cups! |
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andrewthomas38 |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 1058 (04/12/06 10:09) |
Phew, I thought it was just me.
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lesliefisherman |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 2713 (04/12/06 14:18) |
hi,ime waiting for the right reply.cheers derek.
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andrewthomas38 |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 1058 (04/12/06 14:24) |
Get the supplies in then.
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shippo |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 1861 (04/12/06 14:51) |
what about the pot of glue?>?
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lesliefisherman |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 2713 (04/12/06 14:59) |
hi,thats where i got stuck shippo
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Mark ONeill |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 1301 (04/12/06 16:27) |
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Paul Swift |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 5170 (04/12/06 18:39) |
Jesus, Mary and Joseph (topical curse)
 Cheers, Paul
Liverpool F.C. - Winner of 5 European Cups! |
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shippo |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 1861 (04/12/06 20:54) |
New that was the trigger lol well done derek
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lesliefisherman |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 2713 (04/12/06 22:42) |
hi,sorry shippo that you fell for it
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hendersons |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 241 (05/12/06 04:01) |
a blind guy walks into debenhams and starts swinging his guide dog around his head, the shop assistant sees this and thinks its a bit out of order so walks up to the blind fella and says excuse me do you need any help at all to which the blind chap replies no i'm fine thanks just having a look around
atb hendersons
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lesliefisherman |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 2713 (05/12/06 17:53) |
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bob the barbel man |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 1153 (05/12/06 18:29) |
A bloke walks in to a pub with his poodle and orders a pint,
the barman replies, "sorry sir no dogs allowed so you'll have to leave only guide dogs allowed" the bloke thinks to his self,i can't believe that, its only a poodle, so he goes to another pub, he walks in and orders a pint, again the barman replies, "sorry sir i can't serve you because you have a dog,and we only allow guide dogs" the bloke thinks to his self this is becoming a joke i'll have to think of some thing i'm dying for a pint, so he walks into a third pub and again orders a pint of lager, to which the barman replies, "sorry sir i can't serve you because we don't allow dogs,only guide dogs" the bloke replies, "this is a guide dog" the barman replies, "thats not a guide dog,guide dogs are Labrodors and a lot bigger than that one you've got" the bloke replies, "what they give me here then" |
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GG |
Re: Joke Thread | ||
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Posts: 201 (05/12/06 18:48) |
little Irish guy sitting at the bar, suddenly a 17 stone navvy walks in and proceeds to knock him off the stool, picking himself up the little guy says " did you do that on purpose or were you just joking ", did it on purpose says the big navvy,
"Ah that ok then says the little chap, only I dont like jokes like that !!! |
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